How to talk to men in a barPosted 9th May 2018
Attraction can strike at any moment. When you see a man that you like, it can be hard to know what to do. Do you feel nervous, flustered and end up walking away from the situation? Social anxiety can be overwhelming. I want you to have the confidence and belief that you can take charge of the situation and enjoy the process of getting to know someone new. Below I will show you how. Enjoy!
Once you have seen a man that takes your fancy, it’s important to be observant. Is he alone or with friends? What is he wearing, does he have any obvious interests based on his style or tattoos for example? Is he wearing a wedding ring??? Whatever the scenario, assess the situation. The attention to detail will serve you well. Anything you see, you can use as a reason to talk to him, later conveniently adding into the conversation any commonalities you may already have!
Is he deep in conversation..? Delay until he seems finished and continue to chill with your friends. You know how annoying it can be to get interrupted mid conversation. Besides, if he is having a relaxed chat or simply by himself… he will have more time to invest in you.
#2 Move into his space
Have you noticed him before he’s noticed you? If this is the case, conveniently position yourself so you’re within his vision. Don’t make it too obvious. Think effortlessly gliding to a new position for a different view of the bar or club hehe! If he’s at the bar for example, go and get a drink. Maybe there is a spare seat nearby! From you observation, you will know how to best act on the situation.
When you are next out with the girls or a group of friends, pick out someone to observe. It doesn’t have to be someone you like, it’s good to rehearse this way of thinking so that when you see the man you really like, you are ready, confident and raring to go!
#3 Be playful
Once you are within the sexy man’s vision as if by accident, catch his eye by slowly smiling and hold his attention. Be flirtatious, sexy and mysterious with your eye contact. Not sure how to do this..? Look at him, slowly smile, tilt your head and say to yourself, hello gorgeous..! Are you doing this now? You will notice that it will make your body language cheeky, confident and sexy. The unspoken word is so powerful.
90% of what you’re saying is projected through your body language.
Be sporadically playful with your eyes and body language for roughly 5 – 10 minutes to witness his response: making sure he’s noticed you and is interested. A clear way to tell that he is interested is by him mirroring your body language. He will subconsciously copy your body language or actively gesture his body language towards you.
Again, being playful is something you should practice so you don’t feel awkward, or you are so busy concentrating on how you are behaving that your social skills take a back seat.
#3 The opening
Once you have done a little flirting, make you move. Don’t overthink it, simply take three deep breaths and approach him. That is if he hasn’t approached you first!
Have a clear opening question or statement based on what you have observed about him and the surroundings of the bar or club. I am not going to give you pick up lines this time, I want you to develop your own style that suits your personality. After all, everyone is very different!
A client of mine recently came to me, begging for pick up lines. While it is good to know what to say, pick up lines can come across a little lame and you do run the risk of saying things that have been used many times before! I help clients to unlock what they already have. Embracing their uniqueness and using their uniqueness to attract men. It’s more genuine, and is sure to give you the upper hand!
Here is what my client ended up doing:
We were practising her social skills at a club while listening to a live band but she didn’t particularly enjoy what was currently playing. She noticed a gorgeous man leaning against the bar that seemed to be feeling the same way. I told her that was her way in but didn’t tell her what to say. She took her three deep breaths and walked straight over!
She said to the man, “You seem to be enjoying this song as much as I am.” Laughing, playing with her hair and being cheekily sarcastic. He laughed and agreed and before I knew it, he was buying her a drink!
It was amazing to witness, as the client that greeted me earlier that day was so shy and lost. Her progress in just a day was truly phenomenal. And it was all because she thought outside the box, didn’t overthink, and used her personality to approach the man she liked.
I want you to take a minute and think about your attributes, the things you’re into, and places you’ve travelled to for example. You already have the tools to start a conversation with anyone. You just need to unlock your mind, observe, be confident and go for it.
#4 The conversation must haves
When you’re in conversation with a man, it’s important to do the following:
Being honest is one of the most important segments of getting to know someone new and building a relationship. There is no point on trying to be someone you are not to get a man to like you. Should the relationship develop and you weren’t yourself initially, you will always feel you can’t truly be yourself, which unfortunately can lead to the relationship ending. Let him like you simply for being you. And if he for some reason isn’t that into you, move on.
Remember his name
Show your interest by remembering his name. Repeat it sporadically throughout the conversation so he’s knows this, and it’s a good way for his name to remain in your memory if remembering names is not your strong point. If during your conversation one of your friends comes over, you can confidently introduce him and he will be flattered.
If he is looking good and you love his Fashion sense, tell him. Men like there egos stroked and to feel important and attractive. Go on, make his evening! Don’t over compliment, just enough to make him smile, or even blush!
Make him laugh
Don’t be afraid to be silly and make him laugh, men love it! Everyone loves someone with a good sense of humour. Really listen to what he is saying, and look for any opportunity to comment on what he has said: agreeing with him, or to openly disagree if not. Keep it cheeky, keep it light, keep it fun!
Share interesting stories
Let him into your world by sharing a story that you know will grab his attention, such as an amazing holiday that was life changing, a funny night out with the girls, or a story so silly that it will make him spit out his drink 😉 Do you have a story in mind?
Get him to invest
Make sure that during this conversation that it’s not just you that’s doing all the work. Allow him to talk about himself and invest his time in you. It’ll show you that he’s interested and show him that you’re a good listener.
Buy him a drink
May seem like a strange one but if you keep letting him buy you drinks and you don’t even offer, he will think that you assume the guy should always pay, and may loose interest. Even if he won’t allow you to pay, the offer goes a long way!
#5 Voice tonality
Your voice is more important than you may realise. It’s how you keep him interested and engaged in conversation with you.
Speak from your diaphragm
Speak from your diaphragm rather than your throat or nasal passage, just as a singer would. It will make the tone of your voice slightly lower pitched which sounds more in control, sexy, and will give you more vocal range, which ultimately makes you talking more exciting to listen to!
It’s sexy and engaging. When nervous, many tend to speak fast. This mainly occurs because you fear that the other person will get bored. It’s actually the opposite! If you speak slow, they will listen.
Be crystal clear when you speak. Let him know you’re there and are confident speaking to anyone. Using your diaphragm will also help with this as it effortlessly carries your voice, rather than trying to shout over the loud music.
Ditch the Ummms…
Take out the space fillers such as ummm and aahhh. These fillers will make you sound unsure of yourself. Think ummm, say nothing. Increase the intrigue by making him wait for your next word. It comes across so confident and it’s good to leave the him in suspense.
Once practiced, you’ll notice that you get interrupted less and people will eat up your every word. This technique is great for work and play.
#6 Turn up the heat
Feeling the chemistry? It maybe time to turn up the heat and start to flirt with the idea of a date. Turn up the heat if:
- You feel a rush between you, both finding it hard not to smile.
- The conversation flows.
- The eye contact is easy and natural.
- You feel like the only person in a crowded room.
- You’re both flirting.
To turn up the heat…
Tease him by making contact. A little touch on his shoulder while you point out what cocktail you’re having next for example will make him excited. Don’t lean in too much or for too long. You can move in briefly but always return back to a slightly held back position. It’s playful and cheeky, just be sure to smile during the process.
Intensify the chemistry and express your sexuality. You don’t have to commit to anything at this point, not even a kiss if you’re not ready. Just make him aware that you are sexual and would maybe be keen at some point to maybe express this with him. You can do this by subtly grazing your wine glass, your hair, or perhaps subtly caressing your clothing. Emphasis on the word subtle, you want these moves to be sexy and mysterious and in no way slutty.
I hope that this article has given you plenty to practice and think about, and are excited to go out this weekend and see the difference it makes!
Next time you see a man you like, go for it! You will only regret the chances you didn’t take!Back to Blog